Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
