I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
