i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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