Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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