I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
