The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize