Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
