I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
