I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
