I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
