I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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