Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
