I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize