You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
