This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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