Me too!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
