If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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