Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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