just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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