I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
