I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Semen is not good for contacts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
