She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
