go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
