Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
