There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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