we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
