So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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