Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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