dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
