the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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