I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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