thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can text with my tongue
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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