dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Randomize
