there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
