Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
