i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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