i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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