The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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