I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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