Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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