Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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