He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
