It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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