Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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