Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
