I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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