Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
