he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
