Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
