Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
