Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
