mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
