You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
