like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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