Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
