it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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