we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
