Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
