why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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