After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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