i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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