3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
