At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
