god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
