"it" just moved
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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