It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
